Question 1/9: When pressure hits and I make a mistake or fall short of an expectation... *

I get furious with myself for failing. Sometimes I call myself names and project that anger onto the people around me for not pulling their weight.

I immediately try to fix it, work harder, or move on to the next achievement so I don't have to sit there feeling bad about myself.

I instantly assume I’m a disappointment, so I start apologizing out loud before anyone else has the chance to criticize me.

I completely shut down, tell myself I’m just not good enough, and let a wave of shame paralyze me for the rest of the day.

Question 2/9: When the pressure of pretending to have it all together becomes too heavy for me... *

I numb out with scrolling my phone, busyness, shopping, porn, overworking, binging TV shows, etc. so I don't have to feel the weight.

I double down on controlling my environment, and taking over everything. Sometimes I get sharp with anyone who disrupts my order.

I retreat from the world, sleep excessively, or detach physically from my body until the pressure passes.

I pour all my energy into solving everyone else's problems so I can distract myself from my own exhaustion and feel needed.

Question 3/9: When pressure hits and someone asks me what I want... *

I say something that matches what my spouse, kids, loved ones, friends or clients want so no one gets mad at me or judges me.

I change the subject or settle for something that's easy or safe so my real desires don't inconvenience or seem ridiculous to other people.

I say 'I don't even know what I want' because I really don't know or wanting something feels like setting myself up to be let down.

I say what I want because "I deserve it". People can either give it to me or I'll get it for myself.

Question 4/9: When a heavy or uncomfortable emotion bubbles up inside me... *

I go completely blank, lose touch with my body, and genuinely can't explain what I'm feeling inside.

I logically talk myself out of it, tell myself ‘it’s fine, others have it worse,’ and quickly move on.

I turn my hurt or fear straight into anger, blowing up so I don't have to feel weak or vulnerable.

I swallow my own feelings and immediately do a temperature check before focusing on meeting everyone else’s needs/mood. Keeping them happy feels safer than dealing with my own mess or the risk of their unhappiness.

Question 5/9: When conflict arises or someone confronts me... *

My defensive walls go up, my tone gets sharp, and I bring up past mistakes to ensure I don't 'lose' the argument.

I immediately try to soothe the room, take the blame, and agree to whatever keeps the peace.

I physically leave the room, pull out my phone, change the subject, or mentally check out to avoid the discomfort of the tension.

I completely lock up—my mind goes blank, my throat gets tight, and I sit there in total silence because I literally can't find any words to speak.

Question 6/9: When I know I need to speak an uncomfortable truth or set a clear boundary... *

I hide how I really feel and actively pretend everything is great—grinning, nodding along, and going with the flow just to keep them happy and avoid conflict.

I drop subtle hints or write long text messages, but I avoid having an direct, face-to-face conversation.

I completely lock up—my mind goes blank, my throat tightens, and I say nothing at all because I literally can't find the words.

I deliver it like a hammer—I get loud, harsh, and blunt, using my truth as a shield so nobody can turn it back on me or see how hurt I actually am.

Question 7/9: When I feel overwhelmed by the weight of keeping everything running in my life, home, or work... *

I refuse to ask for help because I believe "it's just me and God" or that if I want it done right, I simply have to do it myself.

I keep everyone at arm's length so nobody gets close enough to see that I'm drowning or try to step in.

I keep playing the superwoman and caretaker for everyone else, making sure I'm always the one giving and never the one receiving.

I suffer in silence, feeling completely alone and unsupported.

Question 8/9: When pressure hits and an outcome, project, or relationship feels uncertain... *

I detach or back away from the situation or relationship early so I can leave before anyone gets the chance to disappoint me.

I power through and try to manage how everyone sees me and keep everyone happy so I can feel safe and accepted.

I white-knuckle control over the people and circumstances around me to guarantee I don't get let down or hurt.

I get completely stuck, unable to make a move or delegate.

Question 9/9: When I think about how I spend resources like my time, energy, money, and influence, under pressure... *

I hoard my resources and hide my talents out of fear that I'm going to run out or failing.

I pack my schedule full of extra tasks or jump into new projects so I can outrun the anxiety of being still or dealing with what's actually stressful.

I push myself past my limits to prove I can do it all myself, using my success and busy schedule as a way to stay in control and not have to rely on anyone.

I give away all my time, energy, and resources to anyone who asks because I feel guilty saying no, leaving myself completely empty at the end of the day.

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