The 'I'm Fine' Audit: Which Survival Mode Are You Running On?

Answer 9 quick questions. We'll reveal the default survival behaviours you use to hide the real you emotionally and relationally when fear or stress hits—and how to feel safe showing the Real You.

Just select the answer that most applies to you in each situation.

Question 1/9: When pressure hits and I make a mistake or fall short of an expectation... *

I get furious with myself for failing. Sometimes I call myself names and project that anger onto the people around me for not pulling their weight.

I immediately try to fix it, work harder, or move on to the next achievement so I don't have to sit there feeling bad about myself.

I instantly assume I’m a disappointment, so I start apologizing out loud before anyone else has the chance to criticize me.

I completely shut down, tell myself I’m just not good enough, and let a wave of shame paralyze me for the rest of the day.

Question 2/9: When the pressure of pretending to have it all together becomes too heavy for me... *

I numb out with scrolling my phone, busyness, shopping, porn, overworking, binging TV shows, etc. so I don't have to feel the weight.

I double down on controlling my environment, and taking over everything. Sometimes I get sharp with anyone who disrupts my order.

I retreat from the world, sleep excessively, or detach physically from my body until the pressure passes.

I pour all my energy into solving everyone else's problems so I can distract myself from my own exhaustion and feel needed.

Question 3/9: When pressure hits and someone asks me what I want... *

I say something that matches what my spouse, kids, loved ones, friends or clients want so no one gets mad at me or judges me.

I change the subject or settle for something that's easy or safe so my real desires don't inconvenience or seem ridiculous to other people.

I say 'I don't even know what I want' because I really don't know or wanting something feels like setting myself up to be let down.

I say what I want because "I deserve it". People can either give it to me or I'll get it for myself.

Question 4/9: When a heavy or uncomfortable emotion bubbles up inside me... *

I go completely blank, lose touch with my body, and genuinely can't explain what I'm feeling inside.

I logically talk myself out of it, tell myself ‘it’s fine, others have it worse,’ and quickly move on.

I turn my hurt or fear straight into anger, blowing up so I don't have to feel weak or vulnerable.

I swallow my own feelings and immediately focus on fixing everyone else’s mood, because keeping them happy feels safer than dealing with my own mess.

Question 5/9: When conflict arises or someone confronts me... *

My defensive walls go up, my tone gets sharp, and I bring up past mistakes to ensure I don't 'lose' the argument.

I immediately try to soothe the room, take the blame, and agree to whatever keeps the peace.

I physically leave the room, pull out my phone, change the subject, or mentally check out to avoid the discomfort of the tension.

I completely lock up—my mind goes blank, my throat gets tight, and I sit there in total silence because I literally can't find any words to speak.

Question 6/9: When I know I need to speak an uncomfortable truth or set a clear boundary... *

I hide how I really feel and actively pretend everything is great—grinning, nodding along, and going with the flow just to keep them happy and avoid conflict.

I drop subtle hints or write long text messages, but I avoid having an direct, face-to-face conversation.

I completely lock up—my mind goes blank, my throat tightens, and I say nothing at all because I literally can't find the words.

I deliver it like a hammer—I get loud, harsh, and blunt, using my truth as a shield so nobody can turn it back on me or see how hurt I actually am.

Question 7/9: When I feel overwhelmed by the weight of keeping everything running in my life, home, or work... *

I refuse to ask for help because I believe "it's just me and God" or that if I want it done right, I simply have to do it myself.

I keep everyone at arm's length so nobody gets close enough to see that I'm drowning or try to step in.

I keep playing the superwoman and caretaker for everyone else, making sure I'm always the one giving and never the one receiving.

I suffer in silence, feeling completely alone and unsupported.

Question 8/9: When pressure hits and an outcome, project, or relationship feels uncertain... *

I detach or back away from the situation or relationship early so I can leave before anyone gets the chance to disappoint me.

I power through and try to manage how everyone sees me and keep everyone happy so I can feel safe and accepted.

I white-knuckle control over the people and circumstances around me to guarantee I don't get let down or hurt.

I get completely stuck, unable to make a move or delegate.

Question 9/9: When I think about how I spend resources like my time, energy, money, and influence, under pressure... *

I hoard my resources and hide my talents out of fear that I'm going to run out or failing.

I pack my schedule full of extra tasks or jump into new projects so I can outrun the anxiety of being still or dealing with what's actually stressful.

I push myself past my limits to prove I can do it all myself, using my success and busy schedule as a way to stay in control and not have to rely on anyone.

I give away all my time, energy, and resources to anyone who asks because I feel guilty saying no, leaving myself completely empty at the end of the day.

Your results are on the next page. Enter your details to get a copy of the results in your inbox.

First Name *

Email *