Five patterns. And one of them is probably yours.

This takes about three minutes. There is no score and there is nothing to pass. Answer as the version of you that shows up when you are tired, not the one you would like to be. And if something does not fit, that is information too.

A coaching tool, not a clinical assessment.

Before we start, where are you right now?

In the middle of something hard.

Steady, but something is missing.

Doing well and I want to go deeper.

Not sure. That's why I'm here.

Something goes wrong on a project you are a part of. What happens to you?

I start figuring how to fix it.

I check everything to see what I missed.

I go quiet and see how it plays out.

I check to see who is upset and see how I can help them.

I had a feeling this was going to happen.

Someone asks you how you are really doing.

I turn it around and ask about them.

I give a real-sounding answer that isn't actually about how I'm doing.

I tell them that things are good right now, with the emphasis on right now.

I tell them that I am handling it, because I am.

I tell them all the things I'm working on.

You get a real compliment about who you are, not what you did.

I feel uncomfortable and want to hide.

I change the topic to what I'm doing.

I give one back immediately.

I receive it and move on. There is so much to do.

I'm waiting for what's coming next after the compliment.

Someone you care about asks you for something after you are done for the day.

I take it on because no one else is going to

I start planning how to do it even better than they asked

I put what I need on hold to take care of them

I'll do it because if I don't, they'll start asking questions about why I can't

I'm afraid of what's going to happen if I don't help

Think of the last time you wanted something and didn't say it. What stopped you?

It didn't seem important enough to say anything.

I hadn't done enough to ask yet.

Saying it out loud is uncomfortable. People would notice me.

There were more important things going on.

Asking for what I want usually doesn't go well for me.

A room goes quiet after someone says something uncomfortable.

I say something to cut the tension.

It's my job to get things back to comfortable.

I shut down and hope no one notices.

I'm waiting for how this is going to get worse.

I find the perfect thing to say and say it well.

Which of these comes easiest for you?

Being trusted with something heavy.

Getting it right when it counts.

Reading a room before anyone speaks.

Making someone feel at ease.

Seeing what could go wrong before it does.

You have just done something genuinely well.

I'm already onto the next one.

I hope no one makes a big deal out of it.

One thing off my list. Now I have everything else.

I want to make sure everyone gets credit.

I'm waiting for something to go wrong.

Someone offers to take something off your plate.

If I do it, it will be done right.

I don't want to be a burden.

I don't like the attention.

I have to show that I can do it myself.

Now I feel like I'm going to owe them something.

What' the part you don't want others to know?

That I feel like I'm not as capable as they think.

That I'm barely holding it all together.

Who I actually am. I'd rather just be in the shadows.

That I have wants and needs too.

That I've always known something else was going to happen.

Something good arrives in my life. Maybe money, health, love, or recognition.

I start calculating how long I have it.

I check to see if I've earned it.

I start protecting it, and that usually means working harder.

I don't tell many people.

I think about who else deserves it too.

What happens when you get the opportunity to have real rest, without any obligations?

If I rest, nothing's going to get done.

I feel like rest is a waste of time.

I feel guilty about everyone else who doesn't get the rest.

I will happily take some time to myself, where no one will notice me.

If I rest, something bad will likely happen.

What did you learn when you were younger about being cared for?

That someone has to be the responsible one, and it was always me.

That I was rewarded for how good of a job I did.

That being visible feels scary.

That my needs are an inconvenience to people I love.

That good things are temporary and I shouldn't get attached to them.

That is the last one. Where should the longer version go?

Your pattern shows up on the next screen. The fuller read, including where it came from and what actually shifts it, comes by email.

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