Q1: The Front Door Reality Check

Scenario: You walk through the front door after work. Your kids are home. What actually happens?

A) I go straight to the couch/phone and zone out. The kids know better than to bother me right away.

I acknowledge them quickly ("Hey"), then disappear to change/decompress for 30+ minutes.

I say hello, ask "how was your day?" but I'm not really listening to their answers.

I stop, make eye contact, and give them my full attention for at least 2 minutes before doing anything else.

Q2: The "Dad, Watch This!" Moment

Scenario: Your kid yells "Dad! Watch this!" for the third time while you're on your phone. What do you do?

A) "I'm watching!" (I'm not watching. My eyes are still on the screen.)

B) I glance up for 2 seconds, say "Cool!" and go back to my phone.

C) I put the phone face-down but keep checking it "just in case"

D) I put the phone completely away and watch with full attention

Q3: The Weekend Recovery

Scenario: It's Saturday morning. You finally have a day off. Your body is exhausted from the week. What's your honest move?

A) Sleep in as late as possible, then spend most of the day on the couch scrolling or watching TV

B) Try to "catch up" on work emails, errands, house projects—anything but engaging with the kids

C) You're physically there, but you're too tired to really play or connect. You're just... present-ish.

D) You rest for an hour, then commit to one activity with your kids—even if you're tired

Q4: The Dinner Table Silence

Scenario: You're sitting at dinner with your family. Phones are away. Everyone's eating. But no one's talking. How does this make you feel?

A) Relieved. At least everyone's fed and I don't have to think right now.

B) Uncomfortable, but I don't know what to say, so I just eat in silence too.

C) Guilty. I know this isn't right, but I'm too exhausted to change it tonight.

D) I break the silence. I ask questions until someone starts talking.

Q5: The "Have They Given Up?" Test

Scenario: Think about the last month. How often have your kids asked you to play, read, or do something with them?

A) Rarely or never. They've learned not to ask.

B) Sometimes, but usually they ask my partner instead.

C) They still ask, but I can tell they're disappointed when I say "not right now."

D) They ask regularly because they know I'll make time.

The "How Was Your Day?" Test

Scenario: 6:30 PM. Your kid gets home from school. You ask, "How was your day?" They say, "Fine." Most dads stop there. What do YOU do?

A) "Cool" (you're relieved you don't have to dig deeper)

B) "What did you do in class?" (Generic follow-up, eyes still on your laptop)

C) You ask 2-3 follow-up questions, but you're thinking about dinner prep

D) You close your laptop, make eye contact, and ask, "What was the BEST part? What was hard today?"

Q7: The Partner Reality Check

Scenario: Your partner (gently) says, "I think the kids would love if you put your phone down more when you're with them." Your immediate internal response is:

A) Defensiveness: "I work hard for this family. They don't understand"

B) Deflection: "You're on your phone too" (even if it's not entirely true)

C) Guilt: "They're right... but I don't know how to change"

D) Openness: "You're right. Help me see my blind spots. What specifically can I do differently?"

Q8: The Father You're Becoming

Scenario: Be brutally honest: When you think about your own father, and then you look at yourself... what do you see?

A) I'm becoming him. I swore I wouldn't, but here I am—absent, distant, providing but not present.

B) I'm trying to be different, but I'm failing. I don't know how to break the pattern.

C) I see the similarities, and it scares me. I want to change but don't know where to start.

D) I've broken the cycle. My kids will remember me differently than I remember my father.