Which pattern is running your
reactions in love?
A two-minute quiz. Anxious, dismissive, fearful avoidant, or secure. Find out which one is behind the panic, the shutdown, or the push-pull, and get your result plus the first step that actually helps.
First Name
*
Email
*
Your Instagram Handle (so I can send your result + first step)
*
Q1. When the person you're seeing takes a while to text back, what happens inside you?
*
My mind starts racing. I reread my last message, wonder what I did, and can't settle until they reply.
I barely notice. I get on with my day and figure they'll reply whenever.
I swing between refreshing my ph one and telling myself I don't care and I'm better off out anyway.
I notice, but I assume there's a reason and carry on. They'll reply when they reply.
Q2 . Things are going really well with someone. It's close, it's warm, it's good. What's your instinct?
*
I love it, and I also start bracing for when it gets taken away.
I start to feel a bit crowded and quietly create some distance to get my space back.
A part of me starts finding flaws in them, or I pull back before it can hurt.
I let myself enjoy it. Closeness feels good, not like a threat.
Q3. You and a partner have a conflict. How do you tend to handle it?
*
I need it resolved right now. I'll keep going until we're okay again, even at 2am.
I shut the conversation down or go quiet. I need to get away and deal with it alone.
I go from desperate to fix it to wanting to blow the whole thing up, sometimes in one conversation.
Conflict happens. I can stay in it, say my piece, and trust we'll repair.
Q4. Be honest about how you handle your own needs in a relationship.
*
I put theirs first and mine last, then end up quietly resentful and empty.
I mostly meet my own needs myself. Depending on someone else for them feels risky.
I can't always even name what I need, and asking for it feels dangerous, so I don't.
I can usually name what I need and ask for it with out it being a big deal.
Q5. When someone gets emotionally close and really wants to know you, how does that feel?
*
Wonderful and terrifying. I want to be fully known, and I'm scared they'll leave once they see all of me.
Like a lot. I love my independence, and too much closeness starts to feel suffocating.
I crave it and brace against it at the same time. The closer it gets, the higher my guard goes.
Good. Being known is the point, and I can let people in with out losing myself.
Q6. When you're flooded or upset, what do you do?
*
I reach out, a lot. I need contact and reassurance to calm down.
I go inward and handle it alone. I don't really want anyone around when I'm like that.
I want comfort and push it away when it comes. I'm hard to soothe, even by people who love me.
I can self-soothe, and I can also let someone be there. Both are fine.
Q7. Which of these sounds most like the story you tell yourself?
*
If I'm not careful, people leave. I have to earn my place.
I'm better off relying on myself. People let you down.
I want love, but somewhere deep down it doesn't feel safe.
I'm worth loving, and a good relationship is possible for me.
Q8. A partner asks for a bit of space or time to themselves. What's your gut reaction?
*
Panic. My brain jumps straight to "this is the beginning of the end."
Relief, honestly. I like space too.
I say it's fine, then feel rejected, and part of me wants to pull away first so it doesn't hurt.
Fair enough. Space is healthy, and it doesn't mean anything's wrong with us.
Q9. Looking back at your relationships, what's the pattern you keep seeing?
*
I get anxious and clingy, and I chase people who can't quite give me what I need.
I keep one foot out the door, and I tend to lose interest once someone's fully in.
They start well and then I sabotage them, or I'm drawn to people who run hot and cold like me.
My relationships are mostly steady, even the ones that end, and I can be close without the chaos.
Q10. How much do you trust that a good partner will actually be there for you?
*
I want to, but I'm always a little braced for them to pull away.
I don't really count on it. Safer to assume I've got myself.
My trust flips fast. One moment I feel safe, the next I'm sure it'll fall apart.
Pretty much. I can trust people until they give me a real reason not to.