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How long have you been dealing with the same recurring patterns in your relationship?

Is your partner willing to come to therapy with you?

Partner Willingness

Yes — we're both ready to start

They're open to it but still deciding

I'd probably need to convince them

No — I'd be coming alone

The Gottman Method identifies these as the four patterns most predictive of relationship breakdown.

Four Horsemen Present

Criticism — we attack each other's character, not just the problem

Contempt — eye rolls, sarcasm, feeling superior to the other person

Defensiveness — we can't hear each other without counter-attacking

Stonewalling — one or both of us completely shuts down mid-conversation

None of these feel familiar to us

When you imagine your relationship two years from now, what do you most want?

Couples Therapy Goal

To feel genuinely close again — to finally break the cycle we're stuck in

To be able to have conflict without it destroying everything for days afterward

To know we tried everything before making any final decision about the future

I'm not sure the relationship has a future — I'm here to find out

To end things as peacefully as possible, or to learn to co-parent well

Have you tried couples therapy before?

Prior Therapy Experience

No — this would be our first time trying therapy together

Yes — but it felt like talking in circles without any real change

Yes — it helped at the time, but we've slipped back into old patterns

Yes — we've tried multiple therapists with no lasting results

How would you honestly describe the emotional connection between you two right now?

Emotional Connection Level

There's still real warmth between us — we're just stuck in a destructive cycle

We feel distant from each other, but I don't think it's completely gone

We function more like roommates than partners at this point

I don't feel much emotional connection left — but I'm still here and trying

When it comes to investing in therapy, what best describes your situation right now?

Investment Readiness

I'm ready to invest in private pay — I understand that quality care has real value

I'm open to private pay once I understand the value and what's included

I need to understand all my options before committing to a cost

I need to use my insurance — that's my only realistic option